Memories
by nirerin
Summary: Shirley didn't die but Lelouch did. She's going to visit his grave and is overwhelmed by her memories with him. Better than the summary sounds. Please R&R! :D


Summary: Let's say Shirley didn't die but Lelouch did. Personally, I support the theory that he's still alive but for the sake of this fic, he's dead. (And please don't start an argument with my about the theory. All I want is for you to enjoy this story.) Shirley is visiting his grave and is flooded with memories of her days with him.

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Code Geass or its characters! It all respectfully belongs to CLAMP. I also DO NOT own the song "Memories." It belongs to the band Within Temptation, whom I also do not own.**

I hope you enjoy this fic! And don't forget to R&R! =)

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Shirley walked up the cemetery path, the gravel crunching under her feet. She drifted past all the headstones with angels bearing crosses and the names of the departed towards the fancier graves for important people. Lulu's grave was the biggest; it was a mini stone temple flanked by angels and bearing the Ashford Academy symbol. Milly had convinced her grandfather to let the symbol be put on Lelouch's grave because she thought it was appropriate; Ashford was one of the few places that he had called home where all of his friends and memories were.

_In this world you tried  
__Not leaving me alone behind  
__There's no other way  
__I pray to the gods, let him stay  
__The memories ease the pain inside  
__Now I know why_

Shirley's heart quickened as she got closer to Lulu's grave. Out of the blue, she thought about the day they'd tied him up and dressed him up as a kitty. Shirley giggled to herself. But as soon as she laughed, the grief took over. It always ached to laugh at memories and not with the genuine man. She missed him so much. Even though it had been nearly a year since his death, it wasn't any easier to have him gone. She was crying herself to sleep a little less, but she often wondered how long it would take her heart to heal. She knew that death wasn't easy to get over but she wanted to stop hurting.

_All of my memories keep you near  
__In silent moments  
__Imagine you being here  
__All of my memories keep you near  
__In silent whispers, silent tears_

There were memorials to him all over Japan, especially statues. Whenever Shirley passed one, Lelouch's cold eyes pierced through her heart and she had to fight the urge to cry. She knew he had kind, warm eyes, not steely ones. She knew because he had looked at her with those eyes the night they kissed. Even now, Shirley could still feel his warm lips on hers as they embraced in the rain. That was her best memory of him and she refused to believe that he had kissed her out of pity for her father's death. Shirley had forgiven him for that as well. She knew it wasn't exactly his fault and the only way she could move on was through forgiveness.

_Made me promise I'd try  
__To find my way back in this life  
__Hope there is a way  
__To give me a sign you're okay  
__Reminds me again it's worth it all  
__So I can go home_

Shirley reached Lulu's grave. She stood at the bottom of the stairs and stared at it, thinking about how his cold body was inside here, just beyond her touch. There were times when the urge to hold his hand was so overwhelming that she had anxiety attacks. All she wanted was to weave her fingers with his and feel his palm against hers. Whenever she saw other happy couples in the Ashford halls, she thought of all the possibilities with Lulu which made her both happy and sad. She knew she couldn't "be" with Lelouch forever. However, she'd secretly locked away a piece of her heart that would belong to him forever.

_All of my memories keep you near  
__In silent moments  
__Imagine you being here  
__All of my memories keep you near  
__In silent whispers, silent tears_

Taking a deep breath, Shirley walked up the steps and pushed open the black iron gates. The inside of the tomb was dimly lit with candles and there were statues of both Emperor Lelouch vi Britannia and Zero. His followers had left art and poems expressing their grief. There were also anti-Zero things and some people had tried defacing the white marble coffin, but it had all been removed.

Shirley took her bouquet of white roses and placed them near the top of the coffin where Lelouch's head would be. At that moment, all the grief and pain she was feeling overwhelmed her. She fell to her knees, clinging to the coffin.

"Why?!" she sobbed. "Why did you leave me, Lulu? All I lived for was you and now you're dead. It's not fair, leaving me alone like this. I love you and miss you so much!"

_Together in all these memories  
__I see your smile  
__All of the memories I hold dear  
__Darling you know I'll love you  
__Till the end of time_

Shirley couldn't help but keep thinking about the fact that Lelouch was simply _gone_. She knew she could never touch him or talk to him ever again and that made her cry harder. It was so hard to move through each day with an emptiness that weighed down her heart. There were days when she didn't even want to get out of bed. But she knew she had to go on.

She lifted her head and tried to get a grip. "I know you're probably mad at me for being so weak," she whispered. "But sometimes people are allowed to have their weakest moments, Lulu; mine happen every day. I know I have to buck up. You wouldn't want me being like this. You'd want me to keep smiling and laughing and loving and I promise I'm trying. It's just going to take a while to get back to normal. It's still so hard not having you here. I love you."

She wiped her eyes and stood up, taking one last look at the tomb before closing the gates behind her and walking down the path, stopping briefly to visit her father's grave which wasn't far from Lulu's. She had flowers for him as well. She thought about those two losses and what she had gained from them. She had realized that the people she loved could be snatched away from her at any moment and that motivated her to spend more time with them. Milly and Rivalz were dating now and they sometimes invited her on their dates to see a movie or play mini golf. Shirley also talked to Nunnally as much as she could; it was hard since she was in such an important political position now. But nonetheless, they still tried to keep in touch.

Shirley smiled as she absorbed all of these good thought and memories. She knew that that was her medicine to help her keep going, for Lulu's sake. Memories were her heart's cure.

_All of my memories keep you near  
__In silent moments  
__Imagine you being here  
__All of my memories keep you near  
__In silent whispers, silent tears  
__All of my memories…_

What did you think? I heard this song and fell completely in love with it. Then I was inspired to write a Code Geass fanfic to it. I love it when that happens. X3 But I don't want you guys to get the impression that all I write are songfics (since that's all that's in my profile.) I write other stories as well with my OC's and I'm hoping to get some up soon. I get out of school June 19th so I have aaaaaall summer to do stuffs. Perhaps I'll resurrect this account. XD

But anywayz, please tell me what you thought of this fic. It's the first one I've written in quite a while so I hope I haven't lost my touch. Constructive criticism is welcome! :)

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